Restarting Life Single and Polyamorous

As I put in a recent video on our Facebook fan page ( https://www.facebook.com/polyamoryinc/videos/728337250690884/ ) I’m working on restarting my life after having quite a stumble.

To summarize, I’ve:

  • Contracted HSV2.
  • Lost all partners, including primary.
  • Come under a severe Crohn’s attack requiring hospitalization.
  • Put my notice in to move out of my apartment to pay for hospital bills.
  • Started driving 1000 mi per week to start transitioning living in two different locations to maintain job.
  • On special medications until the end of the year, but still suffering from enormous fatigue, depression, pain, and isolation.

Alone, sick, and stressed is not the happiest place to be, but I’m making some changes in order to reboot the system that is my life. This article will not be exclusively about Polyamory, but I will show how it will play its part in the fabric of my changes.

Diet

My diet has to radically alter in order for me to regain my health and strength. I’m anemic, but can’t take iron supplements yet, because the doctor has me on medications that it would interact with.

One of the changes I’ll be making is going on a very limited diet for 20 out of my 21 meals per week. I’m switching over to Soylent ( https://www.soylent.com/ ). And though this isn’t the low fiber diet ideal, I am in need of a completely nutritious liquid diet. I’ll be starting at near 100% replacement, leaving one full meal per week (hopefully on a date night).

Cost, about $150 a month. Not bad, and cheaper than eating out and much healthier than the McDonald’s Dollar Menu.

On my night off, going to go nuts. Fine dining all the way. Cost, about $50 a week.

Living

My apartment was lower end of rent for the area near Annapolis, MD I lived in, only $800 a month.

Unfortunately, in the four days I was hospitalized, I ran up thousands in bills. I also have to sign up for health insurance for the new year, and prices just went through the roof.

I used to drive between Maryland and Indiana every two weeks. Now, I must make that drive every week, and try to stay at least one extra night in Indiana.

I’m also going to be converting a work van into a camper by trading my 2016 car in an even trade. This saves me from getting a hotel room.

Cost savings, $800 a month.

Dating

After getting HSV2 and having everyone drop me like a hot potato, losing my girlfriend, then being hospitalized, my entire social life collapsed. I’ve pretty much been sitting at home staring at the walls for the last 3 weeks, and I’m going nuts.

So, I sat down for a few hours and completely retooled my dating profile with the most up to date information.

I already have a coffee date next week, and three previous friends I’m in touch with who would like to spend some time with me. This solves my Baltimore dating situation, but Indiana will be much harder.

I spend every other weekend with my son, but on my off weekends, I really want to go out and have fun. I could do this in Baltimore, but only with someone who wants to spend an overnight. I really don’t wanna sleep in the mobile home setup any longer than I have to, nor am I going to make a hotel a regular thing.

This means dating weekends in Indiana. I have one person who might be able to see me once a month, a long term… partner… friend? Not sure, but she lives 1 state away, and I love her and her attitude to death.

Polyamory is key here. Without it, I have to limit myself much more, and look for much more particular partner. I also would have to choose a location, and be alone the rest of the time.

That simply doesn’t work for me. It’s not who I am, for one. But I’d have switched to Polyamory out of this situation even if I wasn’t before. It’s just a more compatible lifestyle for someone living in two locations, with limiting sexual factors, and wanting a lot more social time without being needy on a single person.

Of course, there will be many down days. For that, I’ll be turning to MeetUp ( https://www.meetup.com/ ). I’ll plan one or two nights out per week for general socialization. I’ll be writing up a lot more about how MeetUp plays into polyamory and dating later on.

But know for now, I won’t be using it to look for dates, but to create a new social graph from scratch… ie — meeting new friends and making connections, both personal and business.

Work

Here’s where things get tricky. I’ve had to retool my hours a bit to keep up with the demands of work with all of the traveling. This means keeping a very tight schedule with myself and the office I run.

The key here is to make things work like clockwork, with a very regimented schedule.

I’ve got another month to keep working on this, but I’ve already made good progress. One of the things I’ve done is to load up work on the central week days, Tues-Thurs, to ensure that Monday’s and Fridays don’t become hectic and make for very late driving situations where lack of sleep will negatively affect my health.

Money

Extreme elimination of many costs are necessary, but there are a few expenses to living more mobile as well. I’ll break this down by category.

Food is being limited to things that are easy to prepare anywhere, are nutritious, don’t require heat, and don’t cost a fortune. That’s where Soylent comes in. I plan on using the following combination: a scoop of soylent, water, chocolate almond milk, and various flavors of cheez-its for snacks. I can keep each meal under $3 at that point, make a meal in 30 seconds, and eat anywhere/anytime. I plan on eating six half meals per day, and three snacks, so that my system can process much less food at a time.

I’ve seen where I can even toss in some coffee for morning meals.

The real cost will be the almond milk, of which I’ll go through many gallons per week. But, it stores at room temp until opened, and I’ll go through about a full pint a day.

Clothing is another cost. First, you have to buy it. Then, you have to transport it everywhere. Then, you have to wash it. And finally, you have to replace it.

For this, I’ll keep almost all of my clothing I have now in Indiana. For replacement clothing, I’ll be purchasing work clothing at Ministry of Supply ( https://ministryofsupply.com/ ).

This clothing allows me to only take two pairs of clothing with me, because it can be worn twice without dirt/sweat, machine wash cold, air dry. The clothing is so comfortable, it’s like wearing a suit that feels like sweats. It will also last quite a lot longer than regular clothes and look great in the office.

My goal is to take no more than 4 sets of clothing with me when I travel. 2 work outfits, 1 casual outfit, and 1 workout outfit.

But I want enough that I leave 4 sets behind to wash and dry, so I’m alternating my clothes on each trip.

Savings

I’ve already retooled my bank account to do regular weekly transfers of money to ensure that all of this is paid for on an exact budget, putting nearly 95% of the rest into savings, while giving me an allowance to live on. I say 95%, because I’ve left 5% of the budgeted savings in my allowance because I know daily costs fluctuate. This will take at least 6 months to truly work out, I believe.

But by birthday number 40, next year, I plan on having my costs optimized to the minimum effective yield of savings. I’ll actually plan a nice vacation with my son at that point, and have plenty of money to live on if disaster ever strikes again.

Conclusion

And that’s a quick overview of how my life will be changing, and how polyamory will be playing a very active role in my socialization over the next phase of my life.

I will be blogging and vlogging my experiences with this reboot both here and on my Facebook fan page ( https://www.facebook.com/polyamoryinc/ ). The goal will be to allow people to follow along, regardless of their own life situation, and apply what I experience and learn to starting or restarting their life, especially in how it relates to polyamory.

DeWayne Lehman